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Her friend, Susan, never saw Lori looking so sad. "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay. But you look so sad. Why?

Lori said, "Cause I just can't get a man."

Susan replied, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."

Lori said, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods because I needed to find something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."

Susan said, "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Lori replied, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

Susan asked, "So, how is that gonna help you get a man."

Lori answered, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."]]> http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry090216-184856 Information Resource Network bj@informationresourcenetwork.com Tue, 17 Feb 2009 02:48:56 GMT http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=09&m=02&entry=entry090216-184856 http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry090216-183823
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping."]]> http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry090216-183823 Information Resource Network bj@informationresourcenetwork.com Tue, 17 Feb 2009 02:38:23 GMT http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=09&m=02&entry=entry090216-183823 http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080715-235646
"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"]]> http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080715-235646 Information Resource Network bj@informationresourcenetwork.com Wed, 16 Jul 2008 06:56:46 GMT http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=07&entry=entry080715-235646 http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080625-221341
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.]]> http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080625-221341 Information Resource Network bj@informationresourcenetwork.com Thu, 26 Jun 2008 05:13:41 GMT http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=06&entry=entry080625-221341 http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-185847
Blonde: "We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb."

Operator: "Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?"

Blonde: "Yes."

Operator: "The power in the house in on?"

Blonde: "Of course."

Operator: "And the switch is on?"

Blonde: "Yes, yes."

Operator: "And the bulb still won't light up?"

Blonde: "No, it's working fine."

Operator: "Then what's the problem?"

Blonde: "We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves!"]]> http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-185847 Information Resource Network bj@informationresourcenetwork.com Sat, 24 May 2008 01:58:47 GMT http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080523-185847 http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080511-164642
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this." He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad.

He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

"What's so funny?" The truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle 4 times."]]> http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080511-164642 Information Resource Network bj@informationresourcenetwork.com Sun, 11 May 2008 23:46:42 GMT http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080511-164642 http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-200447
When the friend got there, the blonde was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the cow pasture.

The friend yelled out to him, and asked what he was doing standing out there all still and straight.

He replied that he was trying to win a Noble Peace prize.

The friend said, "Well, that's great, but what are you doing in the paddock?"

The blonde replied, "I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Noble Peace prize was to be outstanding in your field."]]> http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-200447 Information Resource Network bj@informationresourcenetwork.com Mon, 05 May 2008 03:04:47 GMT http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080504-200447 http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080424-184931
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."

The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."

The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."

The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
]]> http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080424-184931 Information Resource Network bj@informationresourcenetwork.com Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:49:31 GMT http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080424-184931 http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080419-211931
They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days."

Finally, the tenth and final blonde arrives with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets a picture in the middle and the table erupts.

Up jump the others and they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days."

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"]]> http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080419-211931 Information Resource Network bj@informationresourcenetwork.com Sun, 20 Apr 2008 02:19:31 GMT http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080419-211931 http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-205014
The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."

"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."

"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.

About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"

"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."]]> http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-205014 Information Resource Network bj@informationresourcenetwork.com Sat, 05 Apr 2008 01:50:14 GMT http://blondjokes.informationresourcenetwork.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080404-205014