Blond - Blonde Jokes, Humor and Satire
51 Days 
Sunday, April 20, 2008, 02:19 AM
Posted by Administrator
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come nine exuberant blondes.

They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days."

Finally, the tenth and final blonde arrives with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets a picture in the middle and the table erupts.

Up jump the others and they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days."

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
add comment ( 661 views )
High Mileage 
Saturday, April 5, 2008, 01:50 AM
Posted by Administrator
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.

The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."

"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."

"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.

About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"

"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."
add comment ( 326 views )
Painting Stripes 
Thursday, March 20, 2008, 07:32 AM
Posted by Administrator
A blonde, needed some extra cash, so she begged her friend at the highway department for a job - any job at all.

"Sure," he said. "I always have job openings to paint the lines down the center of the roads. Would you be interested in painting stripes?"

The blonde agreed and began working immediately. The first day she painted five miles of stripes. The next day she painted three miles. But on the third day, she only painted one mile of stripes.

The supervisor took the blonde aside and asked her what was wrong. "You worked so hard and painted so fast the first couple of days. Why are you working so slowly now?"

The blonde replied, "Because the bucket keeps getting farther away."

add comment ( 285 views )
Number 46 Bus 
Thursday, March 13, 2008, 07:56 AM
Posted by Administrator
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol Building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer how to get there. "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol Building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 46 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Two and one half hours later the police officer returned to the same area and the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol Building, I said to wait here for the number 46 bus and that was two and one half hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 37th bus just went by!"
add comment ( 308 views )
Vending Machine 
Friday, March 7, 2008, 04:05 AM
Posted by Administrator
A blonde woman was standing at the pop machine; she put in her money and pressed the Coke button and out came a can of Coke. She looked at it and smiled. She took out a dollar, put it in the pop machine pressed the 7Up button and out came a can of 7Up. She looked at it and really started smiling. She put in the change from her dollar and pressed the Coke button again, out came another can of Coke. Then she was just beaming!

There was a man standing there watching her, and he finally went up to her and said, "What are you doing?" She looked at him and said, "Duh, I'm winning!"
add comment ( 247 views )
House Painting 
Tuesday, March 4, 2008, 03:01 AM
Posted by Administrator
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies, "Yes."

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."
add comment ( 326 views )

Next> Last>>